First Boot Camp Jan 06, 2012

January 06, 2012

I did make it to boot camp, the first session of the new year. It seemed easy at the time, and was easy was the trainer had arrived from Austria. She too was too jet lagged and was not her normal self.  With a chorus of whining and sniveling we had not one but two warm ups.

One, because is it -11 C or 16 degrees F. Two, none of us had been there since well before Christmas.  Myself included.  I put on long pants and well worn Texas t-shirt  then off! I went. Sixteen, 16, count 'em brave and foolish individuals,  pretending athletic types, thinking we were in contention for the Circus de Soil.  There is a picture somewhere in the world that has me, with my legs thru stirrups two feet off the ground doing push ups to commemorate the start of 2012. We did another the reverse of the previous effort for hamstrings where by we had to lift our knees up and this was to get our hamstrings moving. Great. I still can’t walk.

We need to pay them to do this to us, Given it was the start to the New Year and the first of the month, there was a long line up to compensate them for all this. We have music from the trainers I pod,  It make it easier beat down the little hairs in your ears.  I couldn't understand it. I am too old. My music stuck in my head is the Sound of Music, circa 1964. I am whistling the tune where the young Nazi and the 16 year old virgin are singing and dancing in the gazebo since the New Year began.  “ I am 16 going on 17, I will take care of yooooou.” etc. Right.

You are only as old as you feel, well in a short hour I feel prehistoric.

We did a warm up in the gym and then hit the stairs. Everything went well. The cold of the arena slowing down your breathing, just when you needed it. Back in out little alcove we pounded around the 14 stations of the cross.

I must tell you that every piece of elastic I had put on my body to support and suppress managed to curl up and in. I have discovered however the further you are away form the mirrors the smaller you look. I am still waiting for the colossal weight loss that others are claiming boot camp gave them. “I simply remember my favorite things and then I don’t feeeeelllll ssssoooo bad”  Too true.

I was in danger of climbing into bed and never getting out. (see previous paragraphs song)  I made a slurry of oil and salt to keep the skin from drying out as I sat in the bathtub. Salt to replenish the saline lost in sweat.  I kept the hot water flowing. I seized up while typing. It was difficult to climb the stairs to the bathtub.   I had to get into the bath or I would never breathe again. I could not wash my hair as I it would mean building a hoist to get my arms in the proper position. “Whiskers on kittens and warm woolen mittens, these are a few of my favorite  things.”  Oh yea.

The cat yowled to go out at his regular time and I have to let you know the fat lady was mumbling . Somehow made it down the 6 stairs to open the door. On my tippy toes hanging on to the recycling bin.

The daily  walk was along the river and was frosty. Given there was a wind, Lucy really enjoyed her time. I had leaned into the air stream, humming more of the show tunes. I had my hat over my eyes and parka complete with fake fur over that and did not notice her rejoicing. . I discovered that she had rolled in something when I ascended into bed later.

 I parked the car away from the library, then walked unsteadily as I was still stiff and sore, to renew the books I did not read over the holidays. This was because I never stopped eating and could not manage to hold a tome and have a meal at the same time. 

Tomato soup (no relations to my car)  and crackers were all that I could muster after boot camp. At  3 am my stomach started to gurgle, the dog sleeping peacefully next to my nose.

The cat of course had been left out in the cold while we walked as he had to defend his territory .  Murphy showed up while I was lowering myself into bed with goop coming out of his eye which was quickly closing and not to sleep. “Thousands of years ago, cats were worshiped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this."

Only for the animals  would I get out  of bed.  I found some prescriptions from 2005 and loaded the offending eye with it. Animal prescriptions have names like HTML, PMBT  and so on, I cracked open one that said in the fine print optomologicial  and squirted away without Veterinary supervision. His eye this morning looks good and I have to spend some time looking up the prescriptions so I know what I am putting in his eyes.

Wishing a day full of songs in your head, so they get out of mine.